3/28/2017

Hi, friend.

It’s been about 27 days since I last wrote to you, life has been hectic.. I don’t even know where to start…

Well, I technically “lost” my job of watching my grandma because she fell and broke her pelvis (on my dad’s time, not while I was watching her), and now she’s in a rehab place.. so for about 2-ish weeks now, I’ve been unemployed, which means only Fiance’s income.. so it’s been really rough, we have so many bills and we FINALLY got some groceries in the house last week.

I did, though, get a new job. I work at a church daycare now, in the 3-4 year old room. But right now I’m in my ‘shadowing’ period which means that I’m kind of observing to make sure this is something I want to do. I only have had one day of shadowing, and my next day is tomorrow. But the director of the program really likes me, and said that instead of a week of shadowing (did I mention that shadowing is unpaid????), I can just do two days,  and if I want to continue, after two days we’ll start my paperwork and training. So that’s pretty cool. I will, though, only be making minimum wage… which is only $8.15 an hour.. definitely a lot less than the $500 a week I was making watching my grandma. But right now, I’ll take anything I can get.

Fiance and I are finally getting settled into our new place. We moved in a little less than a month ago.  A ton of stuff is still in boxes… but we’re getting there. It’s pretty cool living in a house… but it’s nerve wrecking when we only have one income currently… bills, bills, bills. Stressful as could be.

Then, Fiance and I nearly broke up two nights ago. Everything I’ve been holding in has finally came out… so here’s to hoping that things change, on both of our ends, or else this will be the end of us. How sad, honestly.

I did get another friend, though. Well, an old friend that is now a friend again. So that’s nice, we’re pretty close again and I appreciate that.

I haven’t been smoking too much, either. I think it’s because living next door to my dad is kind of scary.. even though my dad told me we can do shrooms together when he retires at the end of this year. Yeaaahhhh, Dad!

I’m going to try to start writing again. Life isn’t THAT busy, so here’s to hoping it works.

Thanks for always listening.

-D

2/16/2017 (2)

When did you change? Wendy, you’ve aged. I thought you’d never grow up, I thought you’d never… Window closed, Wendy got old. I was too late, I was too late.. a shadow of what I once was. ‘Cause we don’t do the same drugs no more. 

Hi, Friend.

I’m currently listening to Same Drugs by Chance the Rapper. This song makes me feel so much. I think that’s why I like it so much. Not much makes me feel anymore, but this song sure does. Hits me like a ton of bricks every time. Side note- I cannot wait to see Chance the Rapper in May.

 

This song makes me so damn nostalgic. I just really miss how my life used to be. I never seem to be happy in the moment. And that’s an awful way to live. I always seem to think I was happier in the past… causing me to not appreciate the present. It’s really crappy, actually.

I wish I had something else to talk about other than being nostalgic. But that seems to be my main issue right now.. I guess I really shouldn’t complain though. I could be drowning in depression right now. I’m actually kind of okay right now.. There’s a shocker.

One day, I can’t wait to look back and feel happy nostalgia instead of this sad bullshit.

Maybe one day I’ll be happy one day. I surely hope.

Wishful thinking for the rest of the day.

-D