2/18/2017

Hi, Friend.

It’s 9:26 on this beautiful Saturday morning, and when I say beautiful, I mean¬†beautiful.¬†The sun is shining, birds are chirping, and it’s supposed to get pretty warm today. Good day so far.

I’ve had two cups of coffee, and one cigarette so far. I’ve been up since about 7:20 this morning. I’m feeling quite content.

Although I’m alone, I love my Saturday mornings to myself. There’s just something about them.

I have to see my mom today, and I’m not looking forward to it. We get along much better than we used to, but she’s still very hard to be around. She’s just a very unpleasant person. It’s really unfortunate because I can blatantly see her bad qualities that I have in myself. But at least I can recognize them, so I can work on changing them.

It’s alright, though. I’m trying to stay positive more.

Cigarettes on cigarettes, my mamma think I stink. I got burn holes in my hoodies, all my homies think it’s dank. –Cocoa Butter Kisses by Chance the Rapper. 10/10 would recommend.

I don’t really have anything important to say, I’m just in a good mood. I probably won’t be in a good mood later, so let’s all bask in this good mood.

Happy Saturday, y’all.

-D

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2/16/2017 (2)

When did you change? Wendy, you’ve aged. I thought you’d never grow up, I thought you’d never… Window closed, Wendy got old. I was too late, I was too late.. a shadow of what I once was. ‘Cause we don’t do the same drugs no more. 

Hi, Friend.

I’m currently listening to Same Drugs by Chance the Rapper. This song makes me feel so much. I think that’s why I like it so much. Not much makes me feel anymore, but this song sure does. Hits me like a ton of bricks every time. Side note- I cannot wait to see Chance the Rapper in May.

 

This song makes me so damn nostalgic. I just really miss how my life used to be. I never seem to be happy in the moment. And that’s an awful way to live. I always seem to think I was happier in the past… causing me to not appreciate the present. It’s really crappy, actually.

I wish I had something else to talk about other than being nostalgic. But that seems to be my main issue right now.. I guess I really shouldn’t complain though. I could be drowning in depression right now. I’m actually kind of okay right now.. There’s a shocker.

One day, I can’t wait to look back and feel happy nostalgia instead of this sad bullshit.

Maybe one day I’ll be happy one day. I surely hope.

Wishful thinking for the rest of the day.

-D

2/16/2017

I like my coffee black. Strong and black. I’ve always been this way. I used to occasionally drink coffee with flavored creamer in it, but I don’t anymore. I think using creamer or sugar or whatever takes away the best part about the coffee-the bitter bean taste. I love it. I was raised on it. I guess that’s something that’s always been a constant in my life.

Hi, Friend.

It’s early. It’s 8:22 in the morning. I am once again sober. I’m at “work” which is really watching my 95 year old grandma all day. Not that she’s like a vegetable or anything, she just needs someone to help her get up and down the stairs, and keep her on track because she forgets a lot. I love it. It’s the perfect job for me… for now.

I want to work with kids. I want to open my own daycare one day, if I can’t be a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home mom is what I really would love to do. I’ve started on getting my child care certification… but I get so lazy, I’m scared that I’m not going to finish and never get my certification. I hate being so lazy, I hate that I lose motivation so quickly.

I got high last night, and listened to music that I hadn’t listened to yet while high. That’s my favorite part about being high, is listening to music. It was Chance the Rapper’s mixtape Acid Rap. I’ve listened to it sober plenty of times, but it’s even better when high. I also like that being high gives me an appetite because if I’m not high, I really struggle to eat. Or sleep, that’s a good benefit, too. I love sleeping when I’m high.

I’m hoping to have a good day today. I’m at my dad’s house watching my grandma from 7:45 AM – 10 PM. So it’ll be pretty uneventful. I might even write again.

Until then.

-D